Despair and hope and despair

While scrubbing walls, windows and walkways today, I had to get the angry out of my head and replace it with something else.  Being alone with my thoughts is not always a positive thing, especially lately when my thoughts are so easily drawn to every single unpleasant thing I know to have happened throughout my marriage, and the million unspoken things that I can conjure up in my mind.
While scrubbing furiously, I searched for a sermon to listen to from Hillsong Church's pastor, Brian Houston.  I picked one at random, and it was perfectly produced for me to hear at this time.  It was on how God makes the impossible possible.
Pastor Houston began to speak, and I began to weep.  I paced back and forth in this room with tears running down my face as the word of God was spoken and poured into this shattered jar of clay.  Do not lose hope.  God has a plan for you.  A plan of greatness in one way or another.  He will never leave you if he leads you.  I needed to hear this all so badly.
He led Moses to a sea and Moses cried because he thought God had led him to his death.  God told him to walk into the water and it was up to his nose before it began to part and make a path for Moses to walk through.
He told Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego to stay faithful to him and they refused to bow down to any god but God.  Even when threatened with being burned in a furnace or thrown into a lion pit, they trusted that God would save them.  And they proclaimed that *even if* God didn't save them from this, God was still good.  They were thrown into the furnace, and they were thrown into the lion's den.  God didn't prevent these scary things from happening, but he led them into it and made the impossible possible.
I have to keep trusting that God has a purpose for all of the crap that I'm currently dealing with.  Right now I feel like Moses who couldn't understand how, after obeying God's orders, he had the Egyptian army was running after him and he had a sea in front of him and no way to get across.  How could this be a plan for good when it looked like everything was wrong?

I just have to hold on to hope.  There is a purpose for all of this.  My utmost hope is that we had to go on this pathway in order that he may be brought back to where he needs to be.  In God's arms, in His loving, healing arms.  If my life is wrecked and my heart torn apart in order that he is healed?  I am okay with that.  Because I know that I have a strength that is not my own and that I will get through. And my purpose in life, all of our purpose in life - it's to love.  And it's to be a vessel for God's love.  Sometimes in order to do that, we must become empty so that God can make a way.  And if not that, perhaps this was all meant to bring someone else closer to God, to open the eyes of other family members so that they would turn from their wrong ways?  And perhaps I will never see the positive outcomes of this journey in my lifetime.  But I have to believe, I HAVE to, that this pain, this extreme heartache, this tearing apart of my family, this seemingly wrong and pointless direction with an army running after me and a sea of water before me is leading us to God's goodness.