Stuck in a Rut Parenting

Lately I've noticed that my parenting has become rather mediocre. The same obnoxious behaviors provoke the same obnoxious lectures, neither of which lead to anything positive.

I woke up this morning to the realization that I'm stuck in a rut. No longer am I leading my children, discipling them, but, rather, I'm dealing with them. Responding to behavior rather than preventing behaviors.

I notice that when life gets chaotic, my parenting skills tend to stall. Survival rather than thriving takes place, and I watch in desperation as my children unravel into bickering, selfish, controlling little people. When mama cannot provide the strong support they need, they take charge in the only way they know how - the childish way. Taking back the reins is difficult, especially when chaos still ensues in other areas of my life. But, chaos cannot be an excuse to cut back in good parenting. Chaotic times are the times when it's crucial to provide good parenting skills to children who probably feel unsafe in chaos. This is all part of the sacrificing side of parenting. We must sacrifice our own need to pout and mope and stay in bed all day in order to help our children who do not have the coping skills they need to deal with change and disorder.

I *know* that when I am feeling secure in my parenting, and am proactive rather than reactive that it makes my kids feel secure and good inside even though they may feel that I’m being more mean or controlling. I also know that when I’m on top of my parenting then my life doesn’t feel so chaotic and I feel better as well.

Staying in the role of authority is very important with my oldest who tends to often believe that he really is in charge of everyone and only lets us believe that we are the leaders every now and then. It is imperative that I maintain a strong show of control around him, or else he will take over. And while I don't believe in "controlling" children, I do believe in being in charge, making most of the decisions, and helping my children feel that I am keeping them safe by choosing what's best for them. When I get stuck in these ruts, I realize that my children no longer feel safe. They feel out of control, and end up showing their feelings by acting out of control.

So, while it's not always easy, it's not always convenient, it's not always fun and it's not always pleasant, getting up out of that rut and back in charge is essential to raising healthy, helpful children.