Reconciling

Reconciliation.

I don't even know where to begin.  In my writing; in my life.  This is hard work.  Maybe too hard?

I have a habit of doing things that I don't want to do in order to not make other people upset.  I am trying very hard right now to face that head on and change my habit.  And it's hard.  Really hard.  Because when I open my mouth and speak my truth, it is not comfortable.  It is upsetting and it is hard and it is real and it is messy.  And that is what life really is, though, right?  Life is hard and real and messy.  And we've got to figure out a way to make it through not just surviving, but with thriving.
What I've learned through 16 years of being a "housewife" is that in order to make things clean and organized, you first have to pull everything out and make a big, huge mess.   I tend to shove things in places to put them away instead of staying organized.  Shoving things in random places doesn't make things right, it just makes things hidden.  I've shoved emotions in random places for many, many years.  In order to clean up the surface messes, I shoved the dirty emotions to those hidden corners, closets, cupboards and drawers.  But now I'm moving.  I'm changing and I need to clean out all the spaces in order to make room for the new.  And this means pulling out all that's been shoved, thrown and hidden.  These are the ugly things that need to be brought out, acknowledged and dealt with.  As I'm going through this decluttering of all of the emotions and junk that I have hidden away, I am reminded of the FlyLady's decluttering rules.  When you go through your clutter, ask yourself: Do I love this baggage?  What do I use this baggage for?  Is this baggage really garbage?  Does this baggage serve a purpose?  Do I need to keep this baggage?  Does this baggage cause me to love or does it cause me guilt and sadness?