It's hard to feel time pass in this country. The weather doesn't change. The daylight hours don't change. The activities mostly stay the same. It's like we're living the same day over and over with slight variations. As I go about my day and go about this island country, I feel a bit of tunnel vision, where I'm just getting through this moment, this day. Of course I'm in this house, in this car, driving down this expressway, or riding on this MRT. It's what I'm supposed to be doing. But, then every now and then I'll stop and remind myself that I live in Singapore. I am a foreigner in a foreign land. It's still very hard to for me to process that, which may seem odd.
While it is difficult for me to really process the idea, it is often painfully obvious that I am not a native to this country. As hard as I try to learn and accept the ways and the customs of this place, I know I make mistakes. A lot of them. I am always conscious of the fact that I am a guest here, and that I need to be respectful of my host country. I am very much aware of the fact that Ang Mos are not very welcome here. There is a lot of resentment to foreigners coming in and taking over this country. Many locals consider the Ang Mo arrogant and having a sense of superiority. I am aware of that, and fight against that stereotype on a daily basis. I try my best to adapt the eating customs when out in public, and the money exchange practices. I hold doors open for others, and give money to the tissue packet sellers on the street corners. I almost always choose to stand while on the train because if I take the highly valued seat, I will get looks.
But we are acclimating. To the customs and to the climate. I have not stopped sweating, but I have gotten used to the sweating. I have stopped lamenting over hair and make-up and have just accepted that I will wear my hair in a pony tail for three years, and only waterproof mascara. I have changed from preferring cotton to polyester, as sweat does not show up as obviously. I only wear close-toed shoes when I'm running. I don't need the aircon to be running to be comfortable. I want to wear a sweater when it gets below 80 degrees Fahrenheit.
I've learned to not try and keep up with others here. I am who I am and I don't need to be or do differently than what I'm trying to be or do. My house will be as clean as I'm able to get it, but it's okay if it doesn't always look spotless, because my full-time job is not to clean my house. I have learned which areas to keep clean and how to do so quickly, and not to care so much about the other areas of the house.
And when I clean, I've learned not to wear clothes. At least nothing I would plan on wearing anywhere else. I chose to either wear the workout clothes I've already been sweating in, or my velcroed towel. This is why.
Whenever I meet someone new, they first ask me how long I've been in Singapore. And that question is always followed up by, "and how do you like it here?" I'm still not sure how to answer that one. If you had asked me in the first six months, I would have a hard time saying anything positive. But something has shifted this past month and I'm beginning to feel a bit more grounded. I am feeling that I can stand up and not fear getting knocked down so quickly. I am feeling more confident and assured that I can survive here. Maybe in another seven months I will say that I enjoy living here. Maybe.
No comments:
Post a Comment