There seems to be so many things to adapt to, it's as if once we finally find we can handle one thing, another is added to the mix. We have settled into the climate here and feel that we can handle it which I feel is largely due to the daily access to the Olympic sized swimming pool in this building. But next week, we will be moving into our more permanent home. Another transition to make, readjustments to yet another way of living. And before we move, a new school year begins.
The school situation has been the one that has been fraught with the most painful ups and downs for us. It's been a mixture of excitement and anxiety, feeling honored to feeling slapped in the face. I have always had a hard time sending my children off into the care of another person for the day. I enjoy my children. I enjoy spending time with them and learning with them. I have strong ideas about learning that were formed through long hours of my own research and study, and so to pass them off to another, whose ideas may not line up with mine, is nearly painful to endure each year. And this year, my six year old leaves home for the very first time. And for her first school to be the size of a college campus!! Where their greatest boast for their first grade classes is that each child will be using their own ipad each day? I've been laying in bed each night unable to fall asleep due to the myriad of feelings that surge through my heart regarding this issue.
It's transition for me. I'm not ready to relinquish my baby to the world at large. The pressure is so great, yet the pain of letting her go is even greater. I want to keep her with me, knowing she is safe, watching her grow strong and capable, overseeing her interactions with others and being aware of what she is learning. It's so hard to let go.
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