Two Years Old, Revisited

This blog was never intended to be a blog about only one of my children.  But I find myself coming to this place over and over again wanting to express my thoughts, ideas, and emotions regarding my oldest child.  He has always been a bit different, and has always had Asperger's Syndrome, so it seems strange that only in these past six months - really ever since he has been diagnosed - that it has become such an overwhelming task of parenting him. 

I have to believe that it is not that he is an Aspie that makes the parenting so hard.  It is the fact that he is now 12 1/2.  He is in the sixth grade.  Please tell me that neurotypical children also keep their mothers up late at night reading up on behaviors and books on how to parent.  I feel as if I'm starting out on this parenting journey all over again.  I feel completely overwhelmed and underprepared, and it's a bitter pill to swallow from my perspective.  I was told by an older and wiser mother that parenting a twelve year old is like parenting a two year old, only they're much larger.  That made me smile, and sigh with relief.  It's not just my child.  It's not just because he is an Aspie.  Even though he has Asperger's Syndrome, he is still going through the typical physical, emotional and behavioral changes of an adolescent boy.  But I do believe that because of the special things that being an Aspie brings to the table, adolescence can be a tad bit more difficult for my boy and I.

I do not want to write a blog that harps on any of my children.  Not ever.  But, I do want to be real about parenting.  It will always be hard work.  And parenting a child that is different will take on a much larger task of hard work.  So, I must confess that this part of parenting is not easy.  It is full of ups and downs.  One minute I find myself immersed in a deep and meaningful conversation with my son about some moral issue, and the next minute he is screaming at me and giving me a disgusted face for having reminded him to do his homework. 

Like the two year old, he longs, fiercely, for his independence.  "I do it!"  is the battle cry of the toddler.  "Don't tell me what to do!" is the battle cry of the adolescent.  Both have an idea in their minds of what they can and should be able to do, and are constantly overwhelmed and frustrated with the limitations of their young bodies, minds and emotions, and those limitations set in place by those parental barriers.  Their minds are flying off to these large and amazing places, while their awkward bodies continue to hinder them from getting there.

What is my role here, as the parent?  I forget what it's like to have a two year old around.  I remember offering a lot of choices, and making sure they understood my authority by meaning what I said.  I guess it hasn't changed much.  I had a two year old little boy here at my house today.  He was amazing.  So full of wonder, beginning to understand the world around him.  Proud of all of the things he had learned to do as such a small person.  He was entertaining and happy, but also adamant about what was fair and unfair, what he should and shouldn't have, and what others around him should be doing.  I just need to remind myself of all the wonderful things that my young man - my two-plus-ten year old - can still bring to my life.  His wonder, his pride, his sense of moral rightness.  Just keep on nurturing those positive traits, and hold my ground.  Breathing in and out, in and out.  I wish I could still enforce naps.