A personal Struggle

Each of us has an issue we personally struggle with. Whether it be internal, external, at work, with family, with food, we each have something we are working at (or choosing to ignore).

My struggle is with a little boy who is six years old. My own dear son. This boy has been acting so aggressive and hurtful to all of those around him, I'm finding it hard to find in him the sweetness that used to be his shining characteristic.

I feel like I've looked at his behavior from every angle, and am now grasping at straws to try and "fix" him. Keep him fed, because low blood sugar causes him to snap. Take away all sugars because blood sugar rollercoasters are too much for him to handle. No t.v. to fuzz his brain. Let him play outdoors to release pent-up energy. Have him do activities that encourage pressure to his joints to help expell that stored energy. Give him choices. Limit choices. Spend time with him. Send him to his room to be alone. Pour on kindness. Be stern. I'm losing my ability to keep feeling positive toward him when nothing is reaping the results I desire.

My efforts at giving love are not returned by loving behavior. My efforts at giving praise are returned by criticism. My efforts at encouragement are returned with pounding fists. My efforts at affection are met with stiff body, swift feet. Everything, I feel, is met with defiance. He's put up a wall. What is he guarding?

Is it his being six? I read about the development of six year olds, and it sounds like it would be very frustrating to be a six year old.

Is it that daddy's away? He often refuses to talk with daddy on the phone - like he's punishing him for being gone.

Is it that he's a middle child? Being in the middle can sometimes make you feel like you're lost in the crowd.

Is it that he needs more....what? More love, more attention, more one-on-one time? I feel like when I try, I only end up getting hurt.

And I think this is my biggest struggle of all. I end up getting hurt, so I turn off my kindness and affection. I end up sending out signals that my love is conditional. When I only show him love when he is good, it makes him feel like he isn't worthy of love when he's not feeling like being "good".

Parenting can be so hard! I've written about parenting in opposite before, so I know this has been a struggle for a while. It will be my struggle throughout my children's childhood, and probably beyond, I'm sure. It's the hard concept of giving MORE love when they're acting unloving. It's showing them kindness when they're acting in rudeness. It's giving when you feel like taking. It's stopping when you feel like you need to go. It's slowing when you are hurried. It's listening when you want to talk. It's being gentle when you feel aggressive. It's putting their needs before your own.

Jesus said, whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me. That's all we need to remember. That how we behave toward our children, how we treat them and speak to them, we do to Jesus. They are his ambassadors. The kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these little ones.

So, I will tarry on. Remembering that the least is the greatest, the last is the first, and kindness and love will drown out anger and hurt.

* Love without conditions. Love without expecting anythign in return.

* Irony of kids acting the worst needing the most love, when you're feelign the most like not loving them.