Joy in the Morning

"Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." -Psalm 30:5

Dear friends, in my last post, you saw me at my very lowest of lows and I wanted to let you know that I did not stay there for long. Last Thursday, I was driving home with the kids and I was stuck in a dark place. The thought of even getting out of the car and going inside to the same exact day-to-day existence was too much of a burden. I sat in the car for awhile, crying out to God, knowing in my heart what I needed to do (pray, get in God's Word, and exercise), but in my mind I was resisting. I was rebelling. I don't WANT to have to do anything!! I yelled at God. I am too worn down to continue doing what I'm doing and doing even more!

I came in the house, plopped down in my big chair and opened the computer. I logged onto facebook, with the intent of escaping my world and delving into another one - one that took me away from my own. As I scrolled through the updates, a link that a friend had posted popped out at me. I usually don't open many links that friends post. But I read through all the updates, scrolled back to the link, thought the picture attached to it looked pretty and decided to open it. Here's where I was led...

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/when-the-grind-of-it-all-makes-it-hard-to-serve/

This woman spoke to my heart. She knew exactly how I felt, and she offered me the perfect words to soothe my despair, she offered me hope from Someone who hears my cries. This is what I needed, and the Lord knew that I would find it in His perfect timing.



"Because with every one of the thousand, endless jobs, I become the gift to God and to others, because this work is the public God serving, the daily liturgy of thanks, the completing of the Communion service with my service."

Wow. Yes. This is what I needed. I needed to hear that what I did every day, over and over was more than meaningless tedium.

"..our happiness comes, too, not in the having but in the handing over."

I thought I needed something, but instead I needed someone. He was there all along, but I was holding on to my sorrow and despair. I hung onto it as if it was all I had. I needed to surrender all of me to Him. I needed to hand over every part of my life - the beautiful chaos, the intense sorrow, the glorious tedius tasks. All of it was meant to bless, if I would allow Him to have it.

"I can bless, pour out, be broken and given in our home and the larger world and never fear that there won’t be enough to give. because eucharisteo has taught me to trust that there is always enough God. He has no end. And it is God Himself who serves me as I serve."

This is what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that I needed to be broken and poured out. That I could give and give and not be empty. I was afraid that if I continued to give without getting, that I would become empty, a shell of who I am, hollowed out. And that's what I needed to do. Empty my self. So that I could be filled with Him. God never gives up. He never stops giving. There is no end to Him and His goodness and blessings. He serves me as I serve. I just needed to allow Him to do that. I needed to see how He already was serving me.

And so, I chose to live in eucharisteo. A life of thanksgiving. I give thanks for the laundry, the dishes, the broom, the vacuum. The dirty hands and tangled hair. And instead of seeing them as burdens, weighing me down and keeping me from a life better lived, I see them as blessings. This is an opportunity to serve my family. I can serve as God serves me. And I thank Him for that opportunity. I praise Him for the opportunity.

And once I made that decision, my sorrow was lifted. The rainy days continue and I no longer reflect the grey and dreary. His light has filled me from within. I go through my day with joy because I see what an enormous amount of blessings I have been given. I pray continually. I give thanks continually. And God gives. He gives me everything I need and more!