I write in my blog often about how parenting reminds me of our Heavenly – His love and patience and grace that he continually extends to me. I don’t write these because that’s what is always foremost in my mind, in fact I write these insights down because I don’t reflect on them often enough and want to make sure I remember!
The other day I had a parenting moment that shocked me into remembrance.
My two year old is usually a very easy person to take shopping. She loves to look at everything we see, makes the funniest comments, and is generally great company to bring along. This particular shopping trip was another story. She was just getting over being sick, and we hadn’t been out of the house for days. We needed some essential items such as toilet paper and dishwasher detergent and the trip couldn’t be put off any longer.
At the store, she lasted about 15 minutes. After that point, her not feeling well, and exhaustion hit and hit hard. We were in the check out line and she was not happy, and making sure everyone around us knew it. As we were heading to the exit doors, she was at the point where she didn’t know what she wanted, but nothing was making her happy, and she threw herself down on the floor screaming.
Of course I was embarrassed. Who really enjoys moments like these? I was losing patience after standing so long with her unhappiness in the check out line. I was frustrated at the looks she was drawing by her antics. I was gathering up the bags out of our cart before I was planning on scooping her up and making a run for it! As I was grabbing bags with her lying at my feet, a grandmotherly lady walked up to her and said, “Hey you! You, child!” Molly, not knowing who this lady was, nor in the mood to talk with strangers, rolled away from her. “Don’t you know that Santa Clause is watching you!!” the lady yells at her. Molly really does not have a good understanding of who Santa Clause is, nor did she really care at this point who was watching her. This lady’s presence was making her more upset and she screamed even louder. The lady, mocking my daughter in a nasty tone goes, “WAAAAAH!! WAAAAAH! Oh, GAWD!” and walked away.
I was livid! I had been out of patience prior to this incident. I was frustrated with my daughter up to that point. But this lady’s nastiness ignited that last shred of compassion I had left inside and brought it roaring to life. I stepped in between the lady and my daughter, kneeled down and wrapped my arms around her. “I know you’re tired and you don’t feel well, sweetie. Let’s go home now.”
In the car, she was still not happy. She did not want to get in her carseat, she did not want to be buckled in. She played the “stiff as a board” game that drives me crazy. I was getting anxious at this point, adrenaline still pumping from that recent incident, and knowing we were running short on time to get home before my older children would be home from school. I was yelling at Molly to just sit down and buckle up. We started our drive home with her screeching at the top of her lungs, writhing in her carseat. And then she unbuckled herself. I was loosing it. I was so frustrated! Suddenly I was reminded of the lady in the store and how my anger-laced words directed toward my daughter didn’t sound to different from what had just spewed from her mouth. Wow. That humbled me. How could I get so upset at that stranger, show her how much I was above her impatience with my own compassion, and then turn right around and act just like her?
I pulled the car over and parked in a parking lot. I got out of my seat and came into the back beside my daughter. I took her out of her carseat and set her on my lap. And we just sat for a minute or two embracing and rocking, letting the tears flow. Life is hard. Why do we like to make it so much harder by rushing and pushing and not listening or caring?
As I sat there with my daughter slowly calming down in my arms, it came to my mind how much my Heavenly Father must put up with when dealing with me, his child. How often have I felt sick and tired of what the world was throwing at me? How often have I layed down on the ground and had big feelings about what I had to deal with? How often have I adamantly refused to do what God has directed me to do because I just don’t want to, or feel that I can’t? His overview of my life, His ability to see the bigger picture, just emphasizes how ridiculous it is for me to do these childish things. But I am His child. And I am so thankful that he does not react to me the way I often do to my own children. That His patience is unending. That his love is unbreakable. That his grace for us never ceases. And that He is always holding us in his arms, rocking us, telling us that it will be okay. All we need to do is trust Him. He always has our best interest at heart.
And so I take these small insights into God’s great character and try to apply them to my life on a daily basis. I try to remember that God’s control over my life is a good thing, not something to resist. I try to remember that He loves me too much to lead me somewhere that will hurt me. And I try to remember to treat my children by the example that our Heavenly Father has set before us.
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