Expectations

It's interesting to me how much we expect from our children. From young two and three year olds we expect patience and self-control. From five year olds we expect them to accept great responsibility. And yet, how can I look at my own life, and how well I'm living up to these expectations and believe that my children should do just as well as I, and sometimes better?
Galations speaks of the fruit of the Spirit. They are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Isn't this what we want our children to display for us? We want them to show love and peace toward one another. We want them to have patience while I make dinner. We want them to be kind and good, gentle and have self-control. And yet, in the Bible it says that these are fruits of the Holy Spirit living and working in you. If you are actively seeking the Lord's will for your life, and being led by His Holy Spirit within you, the fruit of your spiritual maturity will be these nine traits.
Why do we assume that our young children, not yet having made a personal committment to follow the Lord, can have these traits instilled on them by parental discipline? They do not yet have the Holy Spirit within them, yet we expect them to show us fruits of the Holy Spirit. Are we truly that arrogant that we believe we are just as good as the Holy Spirit for directing these traits in our kids' lives? We expect our kids to outwardly display these good traits by either their own good will, or by our physical coercion of it. And yet, we can not change our child's will, and our children cannot change their will. That is only a job that the Lord can do. We can nurture that will, and prepare it to accept the changes the Lord will do, but we are not God. The outward changes can only be outward. They can only be by our own human efforts, and not truly a heart change, a development of Christ's traits. That is only for the Holy Spirit, within our lives, to do.
And when our children do accept the Holy Spirit within their lives, remember the verses about milk vs. solid food. "But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." After over 20 years of having the Holy Spirit working within me, I still need milk at times. I would not expect my child to show mature Christian traits overnight. I still need help with self-control every time I go to Wal-Mart.